goood

DAY ^_^

around 4 adrian picked me up, stopped bypearls
then went to hearns house.

picked up hearn, then chrispy
then went to meet up with mark and crstl.
went to menchies to turn in my application :P

I HOPE I GET HIRED!
then went to geinki's, attte there and i kept fucken laughing cause i was stoned, so erking, haha.

afffffter, went back to menchies, and ateyogurt :D YUM
then was supposed to watch movies again, but the last show was sold out
so we just cruised in the parking lot.
we got bored, so we went to morgan's corner.
i got scared cause hearn said he saw a black dog pass by >:| so scary
then after we went grudge house,
we were supposedto actuallyget outa the car this time
but fuck no one wanted to.

so we went to the "gspot"
was so cold there! holllllyshi.
and so erking people kept prankcallingme, andin the bg was someone saying " i love you sheila " what the fucking fuck?
so crstl kept yellllingatmyphone,haha.
its ok, so cute that people prank me just because they love hearing my voice :D aw keep callling! hahahhah.

then after, aubrey them came and chillled
me and crstlandchels was yelllling so loud, for fun haha
we didnt mean it, so funnny BIG DICK! lol.

afffter, we watched adrian spank the other guy while racing!
me crstl chel and chrispy wasyelllling, GO FAT BOY! HAHA

:D
today was good, oh AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE STORM?! lmao
so ML, bitchesssssssz.

that guy,

that told me he loved me, who said i was amazing, who asked me out under the fireworks on july4, who would gave me butterflies everytime i see him, who showed me how it feels to be happy, who cared about me, who made every minute with him worthwhile, who hugged me tight in his arms if i would cry, who told me i was beautifull even without makeup, who put up with my shit even if i was the most irratating person in the world, who would cook me food when i was hungry, who would take me out to dinners and treat me, who took me out on dates, who rather catch bus with me instead of car rides because that way he could spend more time with me, who made fun of me if i did something stupid, who would hide somewhere and scream and scare the shit outta me, who i could talk to about anything &everything, who would take care of me when i was sick & i do the same in return, who told me everyday that he missed me & that he loved me, who let me pick his booogars and wipe it on his blanket, who would take showers with me & i would have to scrub his black ass, who would have spit water fights in the shower, that i would lay in bed with for hours doing nothing & still have a good time, who would give me a compliment everyday, who would make ugly faces at me if he was bored, who would feel bad for leaving me out when hes playing cards or breaking with his friends so he comes to kiss me and say i love you even if i don'tmind, who had a sister that i could talk to about anykine things and be comfertable, who took me to his family partys, who introduced me to his dad even though he never did that with any other girl before, who my parents acutally approved of & even the rest of my family, who wasnt ashamed of me, who brang me around his friends and i ended up being close with them, who would hug me out of no where, that instead of holding hands we would run around places like bestfriends, who accepted my friends and treated them nicely,who wouldnt mind me around his friends, who wouldnt mind cruising with my friends who TRUSTED me without even questioning me, who wrapped me in his arms when we slept at night, who accepted me for who i am, who could be the randomest guy ever,
who never gave up on me ONCE, even though i did, and that one guy who i also didn't consider my lover, but my bestfffriend.

but yup ..i wanna meet "that guy" all over again.
no, not to be with him in a relationship ..
but to actually be close with again, and still even be his friend.
..and you never know, only time will tell if i will ever get him back in my life again.

AND NO, its not that im running back to him only now
just because i dont have that other guy anymore in my life
its because the other guy, blinded me from seeing that yes,
i really do still miss him, but i just kept it in the back of my mind.

..hmph, maybe one day ill get the courage to say
IM SORRY for what i did.

in class ..

and the bell was supposed to ring already! ;(
not supposed to be on here, BYEEEEEEEE

^ that was in my3rdpd class.
i swear i felt like i was on something in that fucken class
my eyes kept closing, and the room was spinnnnnin' or some shit

afterschool, met up with chelsy in waipahu.
found out something very good :D OH IM SO HAPPY ^_^ YAYAYAYA!

well hopefully i dont have to go back ;(

afffftah, went to alas, walked around & stuff.
then went to chelsys grandma's house.
playyyyed with julia, n'mya
AW I MISSSSS CC! ;(

after, mark& crstl picked us up
dropped off chelsy, then me crstl&mark went to crystals house,
got there, talked stories with mark until crystal was done showering.
thennn after, got dropped off home.

and now i'm stuck here ;( ah

each day keeps gettin' better, still in shock n everything
thinkkkin' how he could do this to me
BUT i can honestly say, i'm not missin you.

laughed

a whole lot today :D

schooool was okay ..
1stperiod talked stories with tori & danielle
2nd, did my workkkkk,
lunchhhh, was boring
talked stories with abby, and ate lichee candy :D YUM

3rd .. omg so BORING
the stupid daie ady whatever her name is, so erking.
she split me and krisha up, while i was in the middle of a conversation with her.
stupid bitchhhhhh ;( i like switch out!
4th pd, i copied everyones work
and laughed the shitload bout anykine stufffff.

afterschool,
was supposed to go jas's house but i just went to danielle's house instead
was pretttty fun.

ate saiman w/egg and calamansi! YUM

wellll gona shower now .. no sleeping late tonight
last night i only had like 3 hours of sleep? wtf ..
cause i was talking on the phone to long ahah.

OKEH BYE.

after all this

shit that happened.
i can HONESTLY say, ive become a more stronger person.
no more crying, im done.

like jasmine said, ive been through SO MUCH already
and i dont need him to tell me he cares,i don't need him in my life & that i deserve someone better.

and honestly YEAH, i do deserve better
i dont neeeed that bullshit in my life
i know for a fact now, that im better off without you
i dont need a guy who doesnt give a fuck about my feelings and whos just a selfishhhh bitch
cause all you ever do is lie, lie, lie.
whenever i think about you ..i get disgusted just thinking bout what you did to me.
it makes me fucken sick to my stomach
i cant even think about happy memories with you anymore, because you just blocked it all out with everything you put me through
FUCK YOU.

fuck alllll you cheating assholes out there
if you gotttta a good thing going
don't fuck it up

cause its just gona come back and bite you right in the ass
KARMA'S A BITCH! remember that
even though this was my karma .. its gona hit you sooner or later to.

i dont feel the pain as much anymore,
he just made me learn, to not trust anyone so fast
or fall for someone so fast anymore


so THANKYOU for helping me realize that i don't need you,
thanks for hurting me this bad, so i knoww to not make the same mistakes again.
thanks for everything, i feel a whole lot better bout myself.

and another thing i learned from alla this is " never leave the one you love, for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love "

butttt sooner or later, i'll be happy again :D
i just hope you are.

LISTEN & READ. ( lyrics)

I don't wanna say I still loved you
It hurts me everyday thinkin' about
Who you were kissing not me
Oh nana nana nana (not me)
Oh nana nana nana
I'mma speak the truth
I ain't gon' lie
I let you go with all the tears I cried
Thought we was goin' ride
Oh nana nana nana
Oh nana nana nana

And I'm gonna tell everybody
Cause you cheated
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
And Mistreated
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
I don't need you
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
So ya leaving
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
I don't need it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
Don't believe it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
Ya deceive it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody now
Damn

[Verse 1]
Sittin' up in my room
I'm lighting candles
Handlin' my handle thinking why
I could I let this situation get the best of me
When I gave the best of me
It's just crazy how one minute we connect
I was baby ya lady sweet sadie
Holdin' hands was your favorite
{Now I} Now I ain't got no sad song to sing
You're dead wrong to me, cause I was so committed but
Since we separated I know you will never find
Another chick like me that's why I stay up on ya mind
I know it's hard for you to hear, but I ain't got the time
I moved on, I moved on
I don't want you now

I don't wanna say I still loved you
It hurts me everyday thinkin' about
Who you were kissing not me
Oh nana nana nana (not me)
Oh nana nana nana
I'mma speak the truth
I ain't gon' lie
I let you go with all the tears I cried
Thought we was gon' die
Oh nana nana nana
Oh nana nana nana

And I'm gonna tell everybody
Cause you cheated
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
And Mistreated
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
I don't need you
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
So ya leaving
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
I don't need it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
Don't believe it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody
Ya deceive it
And I'm Gonna tell everybody now

[Verse 2]
I ain't trippin' I'm just saying
Look at what you missing out on now
Yep it's all out now, I'm goin' all out now
And I ain't gon' cry about
Grab my keys to that Bentley GT
Call all my girlfriends and ride
You ain't go nothin' on me
{Christina's going out to party}
You ain't got nothin' on me
You ain't go nothin' on me
Really this thing ain't nothing
You ain't got nothin' on me
{Run and go tell everybody}
You ain't got nothin' on me
You ain't got nothin' on me
Really this thing ain't nothing

I don't wanna say I still loved you
It hurts me everyday thinkin' about
Who you were kissing not me
Oh nana nana nana (not me)
Oh nana nana nana
I'mma speak the truth
I ain't gon' lie
I let you go with all the tears I cried
Thought we was goin' ride
Oh nana nana nana
Oh nana nana nana

I beleive

that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe
^ true shit, and a quote that helps me think better of myself.

mhmmmm, still hurting, but eventually all things will get better in time.
like everyone said, " you can do better, you dont need him"
or what MY BESTFRIEND MONK said " ahhhhh, sheila. you can do better, you dont need that, you need a MAN" haha fucken bitch.

.. but still i don't know if i wannna let go just yet.
but at the same time, i dont even know what im holding on for
im just reallllllllllllllly lost.

i need HIM to tell me what really is going on, and what he wants

he's seriously making me go crazy .. idk what to do.

but for now, i'm just gonnna mind my own buisness
focus on school, & family & friends
i been hurt to much already to deal with alla' this.

IM STRONG, CONFIDENT, & i know i can make it through with out falling apart.