Just a little thought ..

I knew i shouldnt have look backed.. cause when i do. I start to think about you again. but, i know i'm over you. I know because.. when i do look back at our old memories. I'm happy. Verry happy actually. I dont get sad, and start building up with tears. I actually smile and laugh. I look at how we were then, as a life lessson. I lost you, and i learned SO MUCH from that experience. Being with you, honestly, changed me. Changed me into a person who isn't afraid of anything anymore. Someone stronger. You helped me to learn how to not give up, learn how to trust, learn how to always look forward to the better things in life, learn how to love, and most of all learn how to be myself. There's someone new in my life, and im happy with him. If it wasn't for you, i proably never wouldve let myself open up to him. But since i did, i'm happier than ever. That just shows, everyone has that one person in life whos gonna make you, break you, hurt you, love you, into the person that you really are.

damn,

i havent blogged in awhile. and i dont know, i was just in neeeeed of expressing myself on here, since i cant let it out to anyone else, and especially the person i NEED to let it out to .. so here it goes. Lately .. you ain't doin your part. Yeah i know, your not mines yet, so its not like your commited to me or anything.. but, a phonecall during the day just to checkup, and a phonecall at night to say goodnight like you used to.. WOULD be nice. But i aint gona force it. I know that its not that thats bothering me, it's something else. Its that just lately you havent been showing you care about me, the way you say you do. Actions speak louder than words.. annd i wan't you to prove it to me. Prove to me that everyything you say is realtalk. Because now days i don't get that same vibe from you anymore, I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY AS I DID SINCE DAY ONE. but it just feels as if you don't anymore. Reason why i wont tell you why i feel like this is because.. your proably just not gona wanna work it out with me. " sorrry sorry sorry i dont keep up, i guess were not just work out " is what im gona hear from you, i know that for a fact. THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. I WANT US to work it out, if your saying sorry DO SOMETHING about it yeno. don't just watch us fall apart and let it happen. If you say you want me, do your part better. show me, that you want me, not just by words. I dont wanna waste my time on you. I KNOW your gonna leave soon, six months.. damn. I really dont care what others say, i know for a fact i can wait. I WANT TO WAIT FOR YOU. For some reason .. it just feels like your worth it. But with the way your acting .. HOW can i keep my feelings the same?! All i'm saying right now, is get your mind straight, know what you want, before i end up not knowing what I want anymore.

and everytime,

I find something thats going good for me, something just always has to ruin it and get in the way. I find myself smiling more often now, meeting you made me happier than ever. But i know, soon, your gona be leaving, and deep inside its gona hurt me.
You leaving, scares me .. I seriously just don't know what to do. You say to try and keep my feelings that i have for you the same as it is right now, but thats a promise that i know i would WANT to keep, but IMPOSSIBLE to keep, because we both WILL change over the six months your gona be gone, and how are we supposed to just pick up from where we started.. everythings just unfair. I wanted to get to you know you better, because i do see myself being with you in the longrun. But this is a big challenge for me. I can't go waiting around for you, and i don't want to let you go just yet. Being in this situation really sucks, I don't know what to do .. I dont know what to do .. just keeps replaying over and over and over again in my head. Maybe i'm just thinking to much about it, and being to caught up in my thoughts, and i just need to relax a little. But I just really do hope that eventually everything will work out, and that we can be how we are right now, happy.

I HAVE NO FUCKING TIME.

FOR THIS SHIT, BYE FOREVER. hahaahhahaaaaa
or maybe not, shit idk .. not gonna update for awhile, my life is way to busy for this alreadddddy, seriously.
kbye.

OH AND HAPPY 1MONTH SL21'S! ( chelsy ridge adrian and rachel )
LOVE YOU BITCHES, AND LOVE YOU SUSHI ROLLLLLS lmfao hhahahaaha
This is what I love, and can't stop lovin'.
Get wasted at partys, from 9 till 7 in the morning.
I live for the music, rollin' blunts, feelin' high, gettin' loaded
- or take some pills and go to La La Land.
Spendin' all my money on dope and extreme high price tickets.
But in the end, it's all worth it.
I like to live in my own world. Fuck regular life! Fuck the '9-to-5' job!
I'm totally enjoyin' every moment, every hour, every minute.
Thats what I do at fridays and saturdays. Why should I take life so seriously?
I just want to do, what I like to do! Be far from reality, 'cause I can't stand society!
It's my own world, I just want to hear the music.

I think the whole system fucking sucks.
everybody's working their fucking ass up during the week,
getting totally fucking stressed out - So what's wrong, and what's right?
I live for the weekend. - dj showtek. hahahahahaha! so interesting.
and no i dont live like that. stupids. lmfao!

" YOU LOVE, YOU LOOSE, YOU MOVE ON .."
;( i remember this quote helped us get over our past relationship
and it helped us "move on" to eachother and start a new one.
.. wayyyyyy back then. holy shit.

but now, i gotta use this quote to help MYSELF get over you.

life in the faaaast ass muthafucken lane.

TRY AND CATCH ME, nothings holding me back anymore
i see more oppurtunities out there, im having fun, im living it up.
despite the fact that i still miss you, im doing just fine.

today, was a regular school day, same shit diff. day!
first started off with HSA testing, wasn't that bad, to me it wassss pretty darn easy.
finished my test, and me and jas took pictures on her new DSi.
fuck i wannttttt one, its hella fun!
and then after, it was lunch, talked stories, blah blah blah
my mom brought me food from mcd's, thank god! i was sooo hungry!
third period, char didn't come! stuuuupid.
i was SO BORED, so i fell asleep for the rest of the class
it felt so damnnnn good ;]
and in fourth period, i ACTUALLY DID MY WORK, with some help from will- i - am.
it's cool his name can be mixed up, will- i - am, i- am -will, wil- am - i, am- i -will. but then theres .. i- will - am, and that just doesn't make any sense. hahahaaa.
well gona head to bed early, HSA TESTING AGAIN TOMORROW.
boy .. i can't wait for the weekend, take a break off this stupid test.
ppppppppppaaaaarrrrrrttttttyyyyyyyyyy's! + chelsy comes back tomorrow! :D yay hahaaaa OH N HAPPPY BIRTHDAY CHELS.

" It's like me and you didn't even try, we just said goodbye, we let this love here die. And never looked back, In my mind, I'm still questioning why, Promises turn to lies, Feelings bottled inside. When the truth be told I... I'm still wondering, What if?
What if? What if, we would've worked out I believe we could've worked out If we worked a little harder " - What if -Brutha.

IT'S A LESSON

that i keep learning over, and over again.
sick & tired of it, it doesn't phase me at all anymore
over and done with, thank god.

Nothing more, Nothing less

Lifes going great for me<3
and i'm perfectly fine where i'm at.

chan: " i noticed that eversince .. i see life in a whole new positive way! " hahahaa, damn right.
well heres some pictures from Kandy Karnival/april's birthday!
WHAT A NIGGGGGGGGHT ;]